“Why can’t you be like the other girls?”
“Why do you have to be interested in those things?”
“Why do you have to do that?”
These are the things I would hear from my mother, as a young girl and teenage girl. Honestly, even when I graduated college and I told my Mom I was going to graduate school to study reproductive and sexual health, she said “Why does it have to be about sex?”
Maybe you heard those things too as a child. Maybe your mother or father compared you to someone else, said things that led you to believe what I believed for a very long time, who I am isn’t good enough.
I had posters of Britney Spears on my wall as a young teen. I told myself THAT was what was beautiful. Whatever we heard as a child, we internalize. Whatever we were met with when we were unapologetically being ourselves, sets us up for how we will feel about our self expression and freedom as an adult. This healing goes well beyond just learning how to say affirmations. It takes a lot of work to face this, to see the impact words like this had and to learn how to transform those beliefs. Slowly but surely I did transform it. But of course, not until after trying really really hard to be like everyone else. To dress as they did, to look like they did, to love what they loved. The thing is, each time we pretend to be someone we’re not, we further the idea that we aren’t good enough. It’s like pouring gasoline on a fire.
Each time we make choices that ARE aligned with who we are, each time we dress the way we want to dress, listen to the music we want to listen to, do the things we want to do, we AFFIRM our worth and the truth, WE ARE GOOD ENOUGH.
Almost every single fear and insecurity can be boiled down to this – the idea that we aren’t good enough.
At its worst, women are chasing and seeking a partner in order to hopefully one day feel that they are good enough, because of someone else’s love. That’s a LOT of pressure to put on someone else.
“Here, you are responsible for the way I feel about myself!”
The words my Mom spoke are no different than what I sometimes hear from women and from my own critic voice, every time I compare myself to someone else.
That’s what the real problem is with comparison. It FUELS the idea that we aren’t good enough.
HERE IS THE TRUTH.
YOU ARE GOOD ENOUGH.
You always have been and you always will be. There is NO ONE ELSE LIKE YOU ON THIS ENTIRE PLANET. What’s also true, is you have the ability to DECIDE who you are each day. What happened yesterday is gone and TODAY you can decide what you love, what matters to you, what music you like, where you want to live, what kinds of things you want to do. It’s all for you to choose.
Self love is a revolution. To love, accept and celebrate all that you are is a big deal and it takes WORK. True love is found being your TRUE SELF, not somebody else. The true you is revealed each time you courageously follow your dreams, take action towards the things you care about, share who you are and REVEAL who you are with people in your life and love yourself no matter what anyone else thinks. This is self esteem. This is courage.
When YOU love all of you, someone else will too.
May today be the day you stop pretending.
May today be the day you choose you.
May today be the day you DECIDE to DO the things that will bring you closer to LOVE.
I developed the 21 Days to Lasting Self Love course so it would be simple, to show you that it IS simple and just asks of your commitment, to yourself and to paying attention to your dreams, needs, feelings, and desires, every single day. If you don’t have this course already, now is this time. I hope you’ll join the thousands of women who have walked the path too and who are now living their truth.
I love you,