My beloved friend,
My heart hurts this week and I imagine yours does too. As I woke up Monday morning to the news of Las Vegas I couldn’t believe what I was seeing. I stayed in bed for quite a while with my hands on my heart thinking of those that had just lost their children, their friends, their parents, their cousins, or aunts or uncles. This life is so precious and I made a vow a long time ago to never take it for granted. If you are hurting too, I see you, and we must never lose hope or faith in humanity. We also must be finally willing to say, we need each other.
I am writing to talk about needs. I wrote a blog along time ago about the difference between having needs and being needy. Today I want to take it for another spin. The gift of my coaching business (and what I am committed too) is that I get to grow along WITH you! There’s something that’s been on my heart for a really long time and now, with the release of attachment theory, more and more people are waking up to this truth too.
We need each other.
What would happen if we actually just said “I am needy” and the reason for that is BECAUSE YOU ARE A HUMAN BEING. It becomes a problem in an intimate relationship when we imagine our partner can fulfill ALL of our needs OR when we have chosen someone who is incapable of meeting any of our needs but stay anyway.
The FIRST work I do with clients is self love. The first key to self love is self care. Self care is not about going to the spa and getting your nails done. Self care is about how we attend our needs. The first 4-5 weeks in my coaching program is spent NOT dating and actually taking a very powerful look at how clients spend their time and who they spend their time with. What do I usually notice? Everybody is busy. Very little time is spent journalling, in meditation, in nature, with friends, etc. Very little time sleeping, resting, reading. Time is spent scrolling Instagram and Facebook and then we wonder why we are jealous and comparing ourselves to others?? There is such a lack in activities that are actually nourishing and rejuvenating to the soul. A lack in spending time with other women. If we are starving nobody can fill us up. We must “fill our cup” as they say.
Today, I want you to know, that part of “filling your cup” is being around loving, supportive, inspiring, encouraging, kind, PEOPLE.
I teach a 5 pointed STAR as the core components of our healing.
I designed this in my first year of coaching because I knew that I did NOT become who I was only doing 1:1 work. Group work is truly what took me to the next level in my life and gave me more opportunities to heal than I ever could have imagined. Group work is the fast track. Learning from other people, LEANING on other people, sharing our hopes and dreams and fears and doubts and knowing we aren’t alone.
“We are not survival of the fittest, we are survival of the most nurtured” Louis Cozolino, attachment scientist. Survival of the most nurtured.
We DO need people.
We DO need a partner we can depend on.
We DO need to be IN COMMUNITY. This doesn’t mean I need 100 friends, this means I need to be a part of something. Honestly, this is a huge reason why 12 step programs WORK. This is what religion CAN offer, why I go to the yoga studios I go to, why I am a part of everything I am a part of, because of a community.
This is why I created Sisters of the Heart.
The idea of proving to the world “We can’t do it ourselves” is DYING.
We have nothing to prove.
The greatest surrender is being able to say “I need help.” That is the birthplace of belonging and love.
Take a look at your life.
Take an inventory of your needs.
Are you making time for what you NEED?
Are you truly caring for yourself and have the net cast WIDE so your partner doesn’t have to do it all for you?
SO MUCH of what I hear from my clients is “I’m so glad I have you.”
Of course, along with all of the results they are getting.
The beginning of being able to say “I DON’T HAVE TO DO THIS ALONE.”
We are all in this together.
If you want to learn more about cultivating a healthy, extraordinary romantic partnership, reply to this email.
If you want first dibs on information about my next 6 week group program I’m offering in a few weeks, reply to this email.
Big hugs and love to you.